Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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