Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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