so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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