he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize