he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
how do you play pong handcuffed?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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