I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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