Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
