Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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