Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
