I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
