bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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