so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
