I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize