nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
