There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize