I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
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