my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
