She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
