I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
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