He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
