My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
