I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
