my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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