We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
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