I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
