it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
