Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
