I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
