i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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