sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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