I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
