Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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