I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I wish they made helmets for livers.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
