i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
