apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
