my vag is so smooth its legendary
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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