She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize