I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Thank you for not boning my boss.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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