On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
