You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
