i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
