I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
