ugly people sure do ruin things
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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