I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
