Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
She told me I should be a condom model.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
