Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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