Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
