Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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