After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
