sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
