You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
