hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
