I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
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