and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
false alarm, still single
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
