if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
You're so nebulous sometimes
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
