K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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