dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm too high and old for this...
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
