There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
My ass is underappreciated
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Randomize
