im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
