We're facebook friends in real life
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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