Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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