exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
