i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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