and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
